I would like to buy a hat.

One of the charming things about language learning tapes is the inane conversations you end up having.

Sure, they are the basics for you to understand some words and how to string them into sentences, but honestly, does anyone really speak like that? For instance, the lesson today is about hats. Not for any particular reason that I can fathom, except perhaps to boost the sale of hats.

Je veux acheter un chapeau. I would like to buy a hat.

Un chapeau tres beau. A very beautiful hat.

Un chapeau tres cher. A very expensive hat.

Je veux acheter un chapeau tres beau et cher. I would like to buy a very beautiful and expensive hat.

Repeated over and over. Over and over.

Perhaps there is a Da Vinci Code-like conspiracy, involving the shadowy hat cartel in Paris. Perhaps some fellow insidious marketer has realised hat sales have greatly declined since the 1940's (when everyone in those old photographs seemed to own one) and he's launched a subtle campaign to bring back fancy headwear.

In any case, because I'm now obsessing over it, it's pretty much the only phrase I can remember. And I can only hope I get a chance to use it somehow. I'd imagine the conversation would invariably go something like this:

Waiter: Bonjour, monsieur. Qu'est que vous voudriez boire? Good morning, what would you like to drink?

Eric: Je veux acheter un chapeau. I would like to buy a hat.

Waiter: Pardon? Sorry?

Eric: Un chapeau tres beau. A very beautiful hat

Waiter: ...

Eric: Je voudrais manger un chapeau tres cher. I would like to eat a very expensive hat.

and so forth, until I accidentally insult the waiter's mother and lineage with my mutilated French. Paris, here I come!